How to host a relaxed dinner party

Most people who never host a dinner party are not short of friends or space. They are put off by an idea of hosting that involves three courses, a tablecloth, a host who is never seen sitting down and a kitchen that looks like a restaurant pass at nine o’clock. That version is exhausting to give and, very often, not much fun to attend.

A relaxed dinner party is a different thing. It is a few people, enough good food, something to drink and a host who is actually at the table. You do not need to be a confident cook to give one. You need a plan that does most of the work before anyone arrives.

Keep the numbers small

Six is a good number for a first dinner: enough for the conversation to move around, few enough that one person can cook for everyone without a production line. Eight is manageable once you have done it once or twice. Beyond that, the evening starts to become catering.

Think about the mix as much as the number. A table works best when most people know at least one other guest and nobody is the only outsider. If you are bringing together friends from different parts of your life, seat each newcomer next to someone easy, and tell people in advance who else is coming. Friendships often start at exactly this kind of table.

Plan a menu that cooks itself

The single most useful decision is the main dish. Choose one that can be made ahead or that sits happily in the oven while you are with your guests: a slow-cooked stew, a tray of roasted vegetables and chickpeas, a big pot of curry or chilli, a baked pasta, a whole roast that rests while you finish everything else. Dishes that need last-minute frying, precise timing or constant stirring keep the host in the kitchen, which is exactly what you are trying to avoid.

Build the rest of the meal around that one dish:

• Something to start that needs no cooking. Good bread, olives, a bowl of something to dip, cheese, cured meats or a few vegetables with salt and olive oil. Put it out as people arrive.
• One main dish, cooked in advance. Make it the day before if it improves overnight, as stews and curries usually do.
• One or two simple sides. A large salad dressed at the last moment, rice, potatoes or more bread.
• A dessert you buy or assemble. Ice cream with fruit, a bought tart, good chocolate, cheese. Nobody leaves a dinner party disappointed that you did not make the dessert.

Cook something you have made before, or try it once in the week before. A dinner party is the wrong night to discover that a recipe takes twice as long as it says. And ask in advance about allergies, dietary needs and anything people do not eat, so you are not improvising a second main course at the table.

Buy what you do not need to make

There is no prize for making everything from scratch. Buying the bread, the dessert, the dips or the cheese is not cutting corners; it is putting your effort where it shows. A host who has made one dish well and bought the rest is far better company than one who has made six things and is too tired to eat any of them.

Work backwards from the time people arrive

Write a short timetable for the day, working back from when guests arrive: what can be done the day before, what in the afternoon, what in the last hour. By the time the doorbell goes, the main dish should be cooked or in the oven, the table laid, the dessert in the fridge, the salad washed and the drinks cold. Run the dishwasher or empty the sink before anyone comes, so there is somewhere to put the plates.

Then leave yourself half an hour you have not planned for. Something will take longer than you expected; it always does.

Drinks without a bar

You do not need a cocktail menu. Have one thing ready to hand people as they arrive, whether that is wine, a jug of something cold or a pot of tea, and make sure there is a good non-alcoholic option that is more than tap water: sparkling water with citrus, a good cordial, an interesting soft drink. Guests who are not drinking notice when they have been thought about. Put water and glasses on the table so nobody has to ask.

If people offer to bring something, say yes and be specific: “A bottle of whatever you like drinking” or “Could you bring the ice cream?” is easier for a guest than “Just yourselves”.

Let people help

Many guests are happiest with a small job: opening the wine, carrying dishes, tossing the salad. Accept the help. It makes people feel at home and gets you out of the kitchen sooner. Serving the main dish in its pot or on a big platter in the middle of the table, and letting everyone help themselves, is both easier and warmer than plating individual portions.

Sit down

This is the whole point. Once the food is on the table, sit and stay sitting. Leave the washing-up. A host who keeps jumping up makes guests feel they should be helping, or leaving. The best dinners are not the ones with the most impressive food but the ones where the conversation runs late because nobody felt hurried.

It does not need to look perfect

Mismatched plates are fine. Chairs borrowed from the bedroom are fine. A meal served in the kitchen because the living room is too small is fine. People remember being welcomed, fed generously and listened to; they rarely remember the napkins. If you are cooking for friends on a budget, keep the evening simple enough that you can do it again soon, and think about who can comfortably afford what you are asking them to bring.

Hosting gets easier the more often you do it. The first dinner is the hardest. After that, it is just people you like, around a table, with something good to eat.